he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
