my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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