If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
