I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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