Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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