so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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