I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
is this the sara with the beer cane?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
