she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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