Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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