I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
