Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
