They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
