Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
