but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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