every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
