when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
