He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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