I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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