I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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