Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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