she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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