I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
