GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
