He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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