Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
