I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think your dad took our porno
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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