I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
