I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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