Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
