so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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