I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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