I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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