She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
