"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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