it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
