Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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