mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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