thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
