i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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