BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
