So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I FOUND THE LEGS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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