tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
