No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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