I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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