Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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