You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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