It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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