No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
