we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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