hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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