i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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