I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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