Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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