Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
