Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
