She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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