If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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