In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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