that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
