I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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