It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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