covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
