onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
