If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
