i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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